"This
two part series explores the key differences between the dating game
a decade and more ago, and the dating behaviors of the millennial
teenagers."
Introduction
to Teen Dating Help for Today’s Parent
In
my previous article post on teen dating help for parents
today, I began exploring some of the key differences between the
dating landscapes now and when we, as parents, were kids. The first
two important changes discussed were (1) teenagers meet and hangout
in groups rather than going on one-on-one dates, and (2) the
temptation to pursue a physical relationship in the afternoon (after
school and before you get home from work) more so than the evening or
nighttime. Teens are often revved up and heading down a dangerous
road. In this article, the second and final installment of this teen
dating help series, I shall discuss some of the other key shifts
in the dating terrain. The goal is to equip parents with a more
current understanding of the ‘dating game’ so that they can
provide more appropriate and useful teen dating help to their
children on their journey in life and future love.
Parenting
Teens: Teen Dating Help for the 21st Century
3.
Teen Dating Help: Kids make dates and communicate by cell phones
Remember
when your teen date would show up at your front door to pick
you up in the ’67 Chevy? How awkward it was for him to meet your
parents for the first time? Well, as awkward as that might have felt,
it reinforces a feeling of responsibility in dating. It also gives
those that are parenting teens the opportunity to see what kind of
partner their daughter is steering toward. Now, cell phones enable
teens to communicate and interact discretely; entirely away from
their parent’s eyes and ears. It’s not uncommon for a boyfriend
to call from the driveway, texting their date that they have arrived
to pick them up, rather than knocking on the door and introducing
himself to her parents! The best teen dating help you can provide
your daughter with is to insist that all dates show up at the door.
Yep, use those boney knuckles to knock and wait for the door to open.
Face to face with the enforcer of the home who has every right to lay
down the law regarding the sweet young lady about to step across the
threshold of infatuation. This teen dating help is a two-way street:
parents of boys should teach their sons to behave like gentlemen and
brave the awkwardness to demonstrate their character to their date
and her parents.
(First
the front door—then the car door.) Teen guys should open the car
door for their date, not because she can’t but because it shows
respect.
This
“detachment” is not the only problem cell phones cause. They
facilitate constant communication, an artificial sense of
relationship that can take the place of the necessary face-to-face
conversation. So, when teens do get together, they skip straight to
physical exploration. Those parenting teens would be shocked to learn
how many kids use cell phones for key communications, such as asking
a girl or guy out, or even as a means to deliver break up messages!
My guess is that teens would rather drive a real car than a
simulation game. If they want a real relationship, then trust this
teen dating help: nothing beats face-to-face. “Gee, Betty, I can
see by your text message your hair looks really pretty today!”
“Golly, Jeffrey, I’m sure glad I can’t see you playing Xbox
while we are having this heart-to-heart texting about our future
goals and dreams!” Cell phones also accelerate news about parties
and other social gatherings, which can distract teens from
schoolwork, family time and planning for their future. The best teen
dating help those parenting
teens can provide is to regulate the use of cell phones. Here are
some suggestions you may find helpful in creating guidelines that
keep teens between the lines:
- Teen Dating Help # 1: Determine an appropriate time to end all calls on weeknights as well as weekends. After that agreed time, phone batteries are charged in the parent’s bedroom to promote a full night of sleep…for everyone!
- Teen Dating Help # 2: Family plan means you get to pay the bill AND check the bill for use. If they want privacy, then private pay comes with that privilege. If you’re parenting teens, then determine in advance if that is the best course of action for your son or daughter based on trust and maturity. Rule of thumb, if they are paying for their car, gas and insurance, they are probably ready to pay their own cell phone bill.
- Teen Dating Help # 3: Get three to five of your child’s friends’ phone numbers (both home and cell phone) for emergencies. Stuff happens and it is peace of mind for everyone to know how to reach a family member.
Cell
phones allow for incredible freedom and while you don’t want your
teen to feel like they are locked in the
garage, they need to respect your authority. The best teen dating
help is to allow your children enough freedom to grow and explore,
but to strongly enforce rules that will keep them out of trouble.
That is why there are “rules of the road!”
4.
Teen Dating Help for Those Parenting Teens: Online Dating
The
last bit of teen dating help, but certainly not the least - Instead
of meeting people face-to-face and deciding, via social interaction,
whether a guy or girl is compatible with them, your teens are meeting
potential dates online. Those parenting teens can no more keep their
kids from shopping for friends online anymore that they can keep them
from shopping for cars online. It’s like nailing Jell-O to a tree!
The dangers of online dating and socializing may be obvious to those
parenting teens, but your kids may be completely naïve. The best
teen dating help you can provide your kids with is to insist that
they set their social media profile settings (for Facebook, MySpace,
etc.) to private and to ignore the advances of people they do not
know outside of school or their immediate friendship circles. Trust
this teen dating help: the keys to the car are like the passwords to
Facebook. Give both or don’t give either. They can be equally as
dangerous. Also, keep the computer communal, so that your teen is
accustomed to using it where you can see what they’re up to.
Some
Final Teen Dating Help for Those Parenting Teens
Remember,
with love, support and trust, you can teach your teen to be
responsible and to make the best decisions. While the dating
landscape has changed considerably, and - with the dominant role of
cell phones and the Internet as today’s form
of communication – teen dating can prove to be more hazardous, but
there are things that those parenting teens can do to steer their
kids away from the worst of it.
I
hope this teen dating help helps
you teach your teens to “date defensively, navigate safely and
steer clear of unhealthy relationships!”
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