Parenting Teens: Seatbelts and Other Restraints

"This article discusses the safety concerns in dating and using restraint to keep teens safe."

Parenting teens in the 1970’s was a whole different concept. For instance, my parents never told me to wear a seatbelt; I’m not even sure if we had them in our station wagon! Seatbelts and bike helmets were a joke when I was in high school and certainly not cool to wear. Parenting teens through the risk-taking years was probably far more challenging than my parents realized at the time.

The invention of the seatbelt got me thinking about restraints in general and how parenting teens is impacted by the ability to keep teens safe. Teen dating advice may not come in the form of a 3-point harness and a buckle, but there is some wisdom that can be applied to help keep teens from tragic mistakes.

A seatbelt is used to limit mobility and hold a person in place. Forcing a 30-year-old to “buckle up” when he has never worn a seatbelt before is much more difficult than implementing the use of seatbelts from a very early age. Today, even some of the most defiant teens will get in the car and put on their seatbelt without even thinking about it. This exercise began as an infant and now has become a subconscious discipline every time they get in the car. Doesn’t it make sense then to practice healthy teen dating advice and limits well before there is a struggle? Cribs have bars, yards have fences and seatbelts keep our children from climbing over the front seat while we are driving down the freeway. These are clearly safe practices. Parenting teens by using intangible restraints is much harder to enforce but equally as vital.

Parental controls on the computer, charging your son’s cell phone in your bedroom instead of his and limiting the amount of time they can talk on the phone may invite pushback at first but the earlier you implement and enforce the rules, the sooner it will become a habit. Go through the mental checklist you currently use when parenting teens and see what restraints you have imposed – especially when it comes to teen dating advice. “Jenna, I would really appreciate if Jake could bring you home by 10 but I understand if you don’t feel like it. Oh, and by the way, you don’t have to wear your seatbelt in his car either if it is too restrictive.”

Parenting teens holds a great deal of responsibility not only to your own child but the other person your teen will date one day. If your teen is not accustomed to limits, they will likely rebel against any rules and gravitate to others that support their self-indulgence.

 Seatbelts are meant to keep people safe, not wrinkle their clothes. Seatbelt laws are enforced by authorities. Teen dating advice is meant to help kids keep from fatal disasters, not dictate what they can wear on a date. Teen dating limits should be enforced by parents. Evaluate the boundaries you have in place and determine whether or not there needs to be an adjustment. Understanding the difference between a good restraint and a frivolous request will make life much simpler for those parenting teens.

Send me your thoughts on this story!

Remember – safe teen dating does not happen by accident!

Lisa Jander – The Teen Whisperer

In the book Dater’s Ed, Lisa Jander, the Teen-Whisperer, helps parents teach their teenagers to learn how to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships.” www.DatersEd.com

Parenting Teens: Did the Wheels Fall Off?

 
This article discusses the underlying problems that contribute to the challenges of parenting teens.

“I thought I knew how to handle parenting teens. My daughter has perfect grades, has always been very responsible, all her teachers love her and then last week the wheels fell off!”

Parenting teens can feel like driving the Autobahn blindfolded. One sharp curve and it’s a crisis! How can any parent feel in control when they are driving with their eyes closed? They can’t! Yet I coach many families that are under the impression that parenting teens is like cruise control and once set, the road ahead will be paved with love and lollipops. Once the teenage brain is in full gear, that bubble of bliss will burst like a balloon on a bed of nails!

In reality, the wheels don’t just “fall off” a car. Somewhere, sometime, a lug nut loosened just enough to give way to a really big problem. It is a gradual, ever so slight quarter turn of events that might go undetected for months, maybe even years. It is often very hard to pinpoint the cause or when it happened; the important thing is to perform frequent evaluations to make sure no screws are loose. Look for evidence of things that need to be tightened up and then make the adjustment. Maintenance is ALWAYS better than repair!

It is the same with parenting teens. Josh didn’t just accidently, one day, out of the blue decide to smoke pot. His friends helped loosen the lug nut, “Come on, Josh! This weed is sick! Totally makes you chill and nothing matters, dude!” Josh has been exposed to the idea of pot for years and secretly wants to see what it’s like to his teenage brain. And so the loosening begins.

So how do we go about parenting teens and minimize the risk of having the wheels fall off? Can we ratchet down the screws to insure our teen is safe? Will too much tension to the teenage brain only create another problem?

Think of it this way…when a wheel is loose, a good mechanic doesn’t tell you the little noises you hear are just in your imagination. By getting “up close and personal,” he will perform a thorough inspection to diagnose the problem.  Most likely he will go to the extent of disassembling some things to really get to the root of the problem before something major happens. He might even point out that the lug nut was not only loose, but that it was missing and then caution you on how dangerous that could have been. “Well, Mrs. Reynolds, if Josh kept hanging around those friends who were smoking pot and you didn’t take a closer look, he could have been in real trouble. Just a little adjustment and now you are good to go!”

By routinely going over a safety checklist, identifying the problem and not over-correcting, parenting teens can become a series of minor adjustments instead of a complete overhaul. The key is to stay tuned-in to the little rumblings that indicate there is a screw loose somewhere in that teenage brain and not parenting teens by simply waiting for the wheels to fall off.
   
Send me your thoughts on this story!

Remember – safe teen dating does not happen by accident!

Lisa Jander – The Teen Whisperer

In the book Dater’s Ed, Lisa Jander, the Teen-Whisperer, helps parents teach their teenagers to learn how to “date defensively, navigate safely and steer clear of unhealthy relationships.”
www.DatersEd.com